And another thing is… I hate how lonely I am. I hate how I don’t know what a hug feels like anymore. I hate feeling like I have to cry. I hate being so weak like this. I hate being so fucking lonely all the fucking time. I hate how I wish and want someone by my side but there isn’t anybody in this damn world. And you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it when people say “i’m always there for you” because in reality, in the end, in the fucking long run, no one is here for me, like right now. And you know what? I know someone who might be reading this and he might be thinking “what the fuck, I’m there for her. Shit, let me go talk to her and tell her” but you know what… you’re not there for me. You can’t be there for me. Because I’m so selfish that I want someone all to myself. I want to be someone else’s and only theirs. And at one point, I thought I really had someone by my side. I really thought Alex was gonna be there for me and actually care and really stick through it to the end. But he didn’t. And you know what makes me hate it even worse? I hate how I believed everything. I hate myself for it. I hate everything about it. I hate how I kept trying when I wasn’t getting half of the effort in return. I hate how I wanted so much from him when he wanted nothing to do with me. I hate how I depended on him so much. I hate everything about it. I hate myself for being so stupid and blind and everything. I hate myself for not being good enough for anybody. I hate how lonely and depressed I am. I hate the guys that were once there for me and never were. And you know what? I don’t want to trust anybody anymore. I don’t want to get close to anybody knowing that I’ll be left hurt like this again. But I also want affection, attention, love, and everything else. I want those things again… but I know that I won’t get what I want. I don’t know. I’m too through with feelings. I just want to stop being sad and so lonely all the time. I want to stop hating myself. I just want to stop everything.
I don’t know about anything anymore. I don’t know about friends. I feel so lonely in my life. I just wish that I had someone by my side. And you know what, that was my fault. I let go of a guy who never had the chance or opportunity to feel a feeling of affection and I totally just cut everything off with him for another guy. I totally got myself attached to a guy who later on did the same to me. And you know what, I don’t regret anymore of it… But one thing I do regret most is hurting that one guy. I don’t regret any moment of my relationship with him, but I would definitely go back in time and not provoke any affection from him if I knew that I would hurt him in this way. I hate hurting people. After hurting Dayne, I know that I lost a lot of friendships and relationships that I built with other people. I can’t even be in the same group with Dayne because I know that he wouldn’t like it. I hate how much of a person I’ve become. I hate this. I hate so much of this.
the day is january 1st, 3009. a group of humans listen to boom boom pow. when fergie says that she is so 3008 they all stand shocked and realise. fergie is now behind the times. fergie herself has become 2000 and late. this is unbelievable news to the humans. hours later the planet descends into war and chaos.